NoName

Kevin Tsai retweeted someone saying about the fragility of youth, he said “if there would be a proper doomsday, I’d like to experience it since I have missed the starting of the world.” She retweeted that saying that the ‘presumed doomsday’ would perhaps be a form of ‘going through together’.

At first I didn’t notice what Kevin had written and I only caught the ‘presumed doomsday’. In my understanding, it was like a cipher, a watchword which only she and I would know. Because we talked about waiting for the end of the world all the time. What could it implicate other than ‘I wanna go through with you’ and that you specifically pointed to me.

Then Kevin’s words finally caught my eye. I thought to myself, well, probably she was just writing in response to Kevin and there’s no implication at all. I was being stupid again, I told myself.

I thought I finally had got over her, FINNALLY. Not completely though, now I realize.

———-

Watched Weekend again tonight. This is the ideal relationship or, the perfect way of starting/forming/holding a romance (being in love). This is what I want for my relationship to be like.

I cannot stop but thinking what it would be if I had opened up about what I felt for  her. I have not shared that with anyone. I wondered what would happen otherwise. I’d like to share my thoughts and my point of view no matter in what regard with someone in the future. Just like what Glen did with his opinions and Russ with his log thing. And that’s the reason I wrote all these shit.

The ghost is haunting me again, maybe it would be better I talked about it. That’s a way of dealing it stead of denying/hiding/evading the problem. 

I’ll do it again more often so that oneday I can show someone what I’ve been through in my mind and hopefully he/she would sympathize and resonate with me.